Cold
by naive-wings
Summary: Are you still feeling cold? I’m sorry I couldn’t bring warmth into your life.


Cold

Are you still feeling cold? I'm sorry I couldn't bring warmth into your life. I did want to. You have no idea how happy we were to see you join our side. I won't deny we were a little cautious at first, but can you blame us? No one was happier then I was to see you on our side. It meant that all these years of believing in the White Dragon wasn't wasted, he truly did exist. I wanted to friends with you, really. I turned you down in first year because you were a bloody git and insulted the first friends I made. You never got past that did you? I could see it in your grey eyes. Did you know that they twinkled every time you looked in our direction? For those brief moments before you realised it, I could see the longing in your eyes. Then you'd catch yourself and put up that mask, sneer and spit out a disparaging comment. The words hurt sometimes, but we grew to see past them.

We didn't realise it then, but we saw through your façade and into your eyes. You weren't as bad as you acted, you wanted to be different, but that was all you knew. I guess that's why we stopped fighting back, choosing instead to let things slide. We knew what you felt, but you didn't. Still, we hoped. Our faith was rewarded. You crossed over to our side this year. I know it was hard for you, leaving behind everything you knew and betraying your family. I can not begin to imagine how that was for you, how much courage you had to muster to step over. I really admire you for that.

I can still remember how you looked the day you stumbled into our headquarters. Your platinum blond hair had lost its shine, you looked tired, broken, but when you looked at me I saw fire in your eyes. I saw hate for your family and for Voldemort. I saw determination to win this battle no matter the cost. Most of all I saw loneliness and yearning for a friend, for someone to trust and to offer trust. That was what I wanted wasn't it? To be your friend? But I didn't approach you did I? Neither did anyone else. I suppose the others still distrusted you a bit. It's hard to change how people see you. I suppose that's why you kept to yourself. You ate alone, slept alone, sat alone… You never really tried to reach out, but your eyes said all whenever you looked at me. I wanted to talk to you so bad. Offer my shoulder, listen to you, be there for you…but I was scared. After all these years of being enemies, staying out of your way, I didn't know how to befriend you. I didn't know where to start. I was afraid to talk to you and you were afraid to talk to me. Because of our stupid fear of awkwardness, you continued to act cold and so did everyone else towards you.

I remember you always wore a long black coat, your black gloves rarely came off, and the Slytherin scarf was permanently around your neck. I remember asking you about it that day after dinner. You'd disappeared soon after the meal as always. I wondered to the roof top to think and found you there. For lack of better conversation I asked you why you always dressed like that, practically every inch of skin was covered. You simply replied, "I'm cold. Always have been. I suppose I always will be. I just don't know how to warm up." There was something more in those words, more than the literal meaning. I didn't know how to respond. We just stood there staring over the ledge onto the city around us. I wish I'd carried the conversation further than that short exchange. I wish I'd reached out to you and offered the friendship you so desired and needed. It's too late now. I looked into your eyes for the last time that day. You blocked that curse for me from that traitor Pettigrew, and killed him. It wasn't the killing curse so I watched you fade away in my arms. I felt your body getting colder and colder, but your eyes…your eyes…the distant longing had vanished. You'd made the ultimate offer of camaraderie. You were happy. You smiled at me as if to pledge your friendship and all I could do was cry begging you not to go. Even when you closed you eyes, the smile didn't fade.

Here I am now, staring up at the clouds. I pull my coat around me, shielding myself from the chilling wind. I know you're up there watching me. Are you still cold? It may be too late, but I'm offering my friendship to you. I want to be friends, I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. You are my friend and will be for the rest of eternity. The clouds part, revealing the sunshine. I feel the warmth of the light. I suddenly don't feel so sad anymore. Then it occurs to me. Your body was warm! When I held you that day, there was a flash of heat right before you moved on. I smile, knowing you are warm and toasty up there waiting to be reunited with your friends.

_Thank you Draco. Friends Forever._


End file.
